I am listening to “ Sphere of Innocence ” by Allan Holdsworth, tears finding their way down my cheeks – Allan’s music, this song in particular, touches me so deeply in my soul. Somewhere I allow few people to enter, perhaps no one at all. Only I myself am allowed to take a peek there occasionally, I allow myself to go so deep within and feel. Who I am, what I want to convey, my light and love. My vulnerability and sensitivity. Perhaps you recognize this yourself; that it doesn’t matter much that someone else doesn’t know you fully, but do you allow yourself to truly know yourself?
Is sensitivity a weakness?
I am 45 years old now, and I am still getting to know myself every day, although there has recently been a beautiful shift in that regard. The whole concept of High Sensitivity —being an HSP—has never been unfamiliar to me, but I always brought up the subject of mediumship in that context. However, high sensitivity doesn't necessarily have anything to do with that. You can be highly sensitive and not a medium, but a medium is usually highly sensitive. Mediumship was tangible to me, and has become so through the many consultations, but the idea of 'being highly sensitive' always remained in the shadows. I viewed it more as a weakness. Perhaps you recognize this yourself, that you then fall back on what others said to you or about you: act normal , don't be so oversensitive , come on you are a …… and so on.
Lower your defense
You can already see what is happening; you are mirroring others! This is also why transactional analysis is such a powerful methodology, because it looks at the different roles you play. Perhaps you treat yourself like your father or mother, and you hear that little voice in the back of your head directing you about what to do and how you should feel. Isn't it time to admit who you really are? This is not an easy process, I can tell you. For all those layers and behaviors that are so familiar to you may be merely a defense and protection of your own vulnerability and sensitivity. But does this behavior still serve you?
What do you want and what do you need?
Easier said than done! To discover what you want, you have to dig deep within yourself, as I often do with music. I pick up my guitar or listen to artists who touch me very deeply. It’s not about the why, but simply that it happens! You can be moved by the blue sky, a cloud, a flower, a butterfly, etc. Because when you are moved, you come into contact with your vulnerability, and that is what is needed to acknowledge what you need in life. You can then listen quietly to your own needs and use your sensitivity to feel what is good for you.
Make sure you feel safe
When you are highly sensitive, this is quite a challenge. Not only do you feel everything more intensely, but it also seems as if the wall you are allowed to let down is heavier and thicker than for others. The reward is great, but it also demands a lot from you because your sensitivity puts everything you feel under a magnifying glass. So NO! You are not overreacting! I cannot explain that I have to cry over a Holdsworth song that I have heard so many times; but you don't have to . That song is like a key that opens a door to myself, my deepest, innermost being. The music gives me safety, and in the same way, you can discover what is safe for you to go within.
Let your sensitivity determine the direction
At moments like these, I also always ask myself: could I not always be so vulnerable, so open to life? I would love to answer a resounding ' yes, ' but then a bit of fear surfaces again. Because high sensitivity also means that you are an exception to the rule; you are literally different from the 80% of the population who are not. The masses do not know what it is like to be highly sensitive, so consider this: if you already struggle to be yourself, how are they supposed to deal with it? My sensitivity is therefore also a compass to guide me toward my destination, toward those moments when I am allowed to be completely myself.
Sometimes that is with music, but increasingly often with people and even animals who sense my feelings and give me space so that I can be myself. For high sensitivity is a creative force, an empathy and imagination that knows no boundaries. Therefore, show it where it is appreciated and be careful that others do not steamroll over it with rude behavior or stupid remarks. You have the right to exist, and your sensitivity deserves a place in your life!